“How Sam Entered” | #EatADick

By Andersen Richards

April 28th, 2016

“Who is this?” was the first thing she said when she picked up the phone. Looking back there were tones of anger and fear that make more sense to me now. She’d begun her question before the call had even connected. At the time, I mostly heard the pulsing of veins leading into my ear, like being inside of a tin box that someone was kicking nervously.

“It’s Andersen,” I said so no one else would hear me. But that was a joke. There were fifteen guys mulling around and everyone heard everything.

“Who the fuck is Andersen?” she asked. “Why are you calling me collect?”

“We met the other night. In the Bronco­-”

“Jesus…” she said quickly. “You’re the guy who lives in the creepy van?”

“It’s not a… Yes, I’m the person you’re thinking of,” I held my phone against my mouth, my hand curtaining the receptor to minimize sound. I wasn’t sure if she knew who I was. I wasn’t sure she’d help me if she did or would immediately stop plotting against me the second she did help me. “I need your help.”

“You do. It’s 4:31 AM. You have until 4:32 to explain it.”

“I’m in jail and I need-”

“And I’m hanging up.”

“No, no, no! Wait! Just wait. Just wait a second!” I was shouting and the curtain fell as my hand was now pounding against the way beside the payphone.

“I’m not posting bail.”

“I’m not asking you to. But my car… I need you to move it. If it’s still where I left it at six AM it’ll get towed and I can’t afford… I just can’t keep up with all of this.”

“Why should I help you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t… I mean, I really don’t know. But I know maybe four numbers and I can’t call any of those people. My mom, my dad, no one is going to help me. And for some reason I remembered two thirds of your number and I’ve been trying at the rest all night. Why should you help me? I don’t know. But why am I asking you?” the men in the holding cell had their eyes locked on me. The guards had already been in once to break up a fight and it felt like they’d have to come back in soon. “I’m asking because I have no one else to turn to.”

Blood trickled down the cheap bandaging job they’d done on my ear on the way in and it seemed to pull a few of the men closer. None of them looked like Rats to me, but they were hoping a taste early on, before they ever got sick, might spare them.

“Tell me where you left it,” she sighed.

“Thank you, Sam.”


I finished before Sam did tonight. Which isn’t to say she hadn’t already cum, she did and before me. But when I told her I had, she kept going for another five minutes. I don’t know if she heard me. She didn’t acknowledge me at all, she just kept rocking her hips with me inside of her.

Yes, obviously the first part of the entry happened sometime ago. Right before I quit writing actually. I don’t know how you feel about non-linear storytelling but what do you want me to do? Things happen even I’m not writing and I feel like sharing.

When she finally slowed she rest into me, pressing her small, perky breasts against my face and wrapping her arms around the back of my head. She leaned down to rest and her hair draped over my face. “You didn’t tell me how the proposal went yesterday,” she said as though I had just entered the car.

“Poorly,” I said. She straddled me for a while before leaning off to the right. She reached into the back and pulled out her pillow and the blanket. Eartha Cat had been waiting in the back by the open rear window for the screaming to stop. Now that it had, she came as soon as Sam patted the back of the seat.

That goofy tabby crawled over the seat, gave me a bit of a sneer and curled onto Sam’s lap. “Well, I could have told you that. You don’t ask people to give you more money when you show up to work two hours late.”

“What makes you think I was two hours late?”

“You told me they were doing inventory.”

“Jesus Christ, did I?”

Her eyes rolled back and she shook her head. “You’ve gotta get your fucking life together, man. You’re living in your car. You can’t afford to lose your job. I understand you’re worried about your sister but you have have to priorities.”

I sat there a while, without motion or mention. Sam settled in quietly, petting the cat. I didn’t look at her when I asked, “Who were you thinking about five minutes ago, him or her?”

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